id be lying if i told you, losing you was something i could handle.

i miss him. 

a lot. 

and it sucks because i used to think it was just garrett 

and the thing with him, but at the same time, i don;t think it was just that, 

i think matt's distancing himself, from me, because i know him so well and i know that 

somethings wrong, somethings been wrong for awhile with him 

but he would never tell me, and i feel like this thing that i have was just an excuse to distance himself from me. 

but if it wasnt, i hope he knows that i would never give him up for garrett. any day. 

i miss him and it sucks but i dont know what to do about it. 

i know this sounds gay or whatever

but its like i lost a part of myself

i lost one of my best friends

and how do i get him back? 

i dont even know. 

=[ 

i want to help him 

and i wantto talk to him

and i just miss him 

i want to go back to the way it was. 

and yeah ive tried to fill the gap 

with gar and dave 

and anyother guy 

but no one is him and no one understands me the wya he does

and it  just sucked. 

100 % i dont know what to do. 

shes fresh to death, she'll be the death of me, seduction leads to destruction.

last nite 

was intense.. 

my brothers. haha. 

so i talked to them about it beforehand and they're like "yeah okay mag, well thats fine but we defenitely need to talk to him for a little bit!" and im like okay but don't say anything too bad. and theyre like okay 

so he gets there and he looks adorable :] haha he kept reminding me of this cute little boy last nite with like a guilty smirk =] but then i went upstairs and they talked to him and then left, and he was seriously freaking out, with i found cute :p and funny , but i calmed him down and we played fooseball in the back room.. and then we were up against the wall and it was great. i was wearing shorts, and a tank with a tshirt over it, but yeah my shirt was up and we were against the wall and he was failing with my bra (As usual). 

but it was still really good :] and cute andd felt really chill and comfortable. 

so then we went upstairs for pizza and it completely felt like he was my boyfriend. 

haha like my parents we're talking to him and stff hahah =p 

then we went back downstairs 

and i was freeezing so i grabbed a blanket and sat on the couch and was like MOVIE TIME! :p 

and so i put on quantum of solace and we were just cuddling and talking 

and holding hands with like little kisses thrown in 

=] 

and then intense time comes... ;p 

i sat on his lap but i mean like really close..and i could feel his boner...hahaa. 

and we starting making out, and then i started grinding on him and he was 

crazily feeling me up but it was good, and then he got super into it, probally from me 

grinding on him.. he loves hips too. and he started moaning and being like 

magg this is so good. hahaa :p. and then he pushed me down on the couch 

and he was on top of me, and we were still really into it

but i was proud of myself and i was like mmhmnoo :p and moved his hand

and he laughed and kept right on kissing me and starting eating my candy necklace;p 

ahh it was just all around good :D 

but i cant let myself get too attached 

because haha i just read tht over... 

and it sounds like we completely like eachother. 

oh baby, what am i getting myself into? 

:p