I want to know your plans.

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is. All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie. All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die. This world is ruled by violence. No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky. Yesterday's just a memory, tommorow is never what it's supposed to be."

-Bob Dylan

And I don't want your heart to bleed,

cause you're heart is all i need.

-Boys will be Boys

i want control.

i want a perfect body,

i want a perfect soul."

-Creep; Radiohead.

"light up the sky for me, oh i've been down too long.

and when you turn you eyes to see me, i'll be gone."

-Saving Jane

" Mirror mirror can you tell

If they are kneeling in confession

or if they just fell

The mirror looks back

and it knows damn well.

It’s really hard living

when you’re living with yourself"

-Busted.

The worst is over

You can have the best of me

We got older

But we're still young

We never grew out of this feeling,

that we wont give up.

-Best of Me

Been black and blue before

There's no need to explain

I am not the jaded kind

Playback's such a waste

You're invisible

Invisible to me

-Candles

I ain't got the bullshit,

and I ain't got the lies

I ain't got the memories

of tears in your eyes

If Only;

I'd be right on the money,

I'd be right on time.

-IF ONLY

<3

felt the neeed.

i love you.

.......

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am.
When you leave for good will I be forgiven?
And If you want roses you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. That's what you do.

I want to know your fears, from your feet to the back of your ears
and when they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?
If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...
you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

No more fighting.
this is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

<-- has and always will be my song for matt.

a girl like you is impossible to find, your impossible to find.

just a little inspiration for our photoshoot

:)

baby you're the only light i ever saw.

so the first quote:

let me explain.. haha oh ps if you haven't figured this out yet

this post is about, you know who ;p

but yesh. first quote

basically explains this whole getting into a realationship with him.

sometimes you just don't know why, and in your head it doesnt make sense

but your heart tells you something else

and yeah "listen to yourr hearttt." is cheesy but sometimes its true.

alrite number dos :

that was halloween (: it was crazy and insane and sometimes mad stupid

but none of it mattered, because i was with him, and that was just so nice,

just being with eachother was all we needed, it didnt matter where or what we were doing

we were happy :D

and three :

im sure you recognized this from the song "Maps" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs <-- such a good song

but anyway this song reminded me of matt, through all the drama and crap, those lyrics were pretty much how i felt.

so anyway.

i am so happy we have things all worked out. its like it was this crazy messed up just plain mess before and we saw eachother and talked and were just with eachother and everything came together and that is such an amazing feeling.

like i cant even describe it :)

and i dont know, its like before that night, i didn't know how to feel, or how he felt about me or anything, but then i saw him and everything just rushed back and just the way someone looks at you and touches you is just like ah. im his and hes mine, and everythings all right.

so after all the crazyness which i told you about ;p well the jist of it anyway, we get back to my house and go down to the basement to watch a movie. and we were cuddling and i was in his arms and we were just talking, and we didnt hook up which was actually nice, i wanna take things slow with him. but i was laying in his arms and he says

"maggie, all i've ever wanted to be is with you, always"

it was the cutest thing

:)

The summers not over.and there's still so much to do.

so i thought i'd make a fabulous list

and share it with you.

"BEFORE SUMMER '09 ENDS, BUCKET LIST"

1.) go on a farris wheel with an adorable boy ( i know you hate that anj. b

ut this is a must.)

2.) Lie in a meadow with a best friend (hello. you.) read books, write poetry, make daisy chains and pick flowers, have a cute guitar playing boy come along to serendade me ;)

3. Have a crazy night like this, where you run around and go crazy and break rules and have a rediculously good time.

4. Summer love. all right all right, not love, but a fling rather than a hookup. an adorable kiss like this, a boy who knows me for more than a night. I'm g

oing to the beach again in august with my family and im gonna make it happen ;)

5. Just dance.

no really, just go to a super fun party and have a great time with my friends

and not worry.

6. Be me.

summers all about chilling out.

and doing whatever the hell you want.

so i wanna be me, the better me, the real me

and show people who I really am.

:)

7. Have fun and spend time with my amazing friends.

i seriously love you all

and you are worth so much to me ! <3

8. Roadtrip with Sarah to New york.

enough said.

9. Decide what I believe and make a difference

experiance new things and help people out

make a change in the world. even if its just my world

try to make someones day, everyday.

10. Make the most of my summer and be happy

see the beauty in everything

laugh and appriciate

and just live

<3>

so hoped you liked that

:)

Magg.

would it be okay, would it be okay, if i took your breath away?

first for the lovely checking up on the fabulous summer checklist.

after i will astound you with my brillent thoughts that i know you've

missed for much too long

;p

1. Be true to myself, and get to know myself even better. ( decently been accomplishing this one :) which is good but it could defenitely still need some work, i'm heading in the right direction.

2. Stay in shape! run as much as I can... (would u like to run together? :p) (total and utter failure.. but whatever i will, get on that!! , i have run and worked out a bit but defenitely not as much as i should)

3. Get my standing back tuck, and other dumb tumbling :p ( sorry i happened to stop caring about this.. but I think just for the hell of it, i'm gonna start tumbling lessons up again)

4. Go to a rediculous amount of skill camps, for soccer and track and such. ( i actually did go to a few soccer camps, even though i dont know if i'm gonna do it any more, and track..yeahh ;p)

5. Freaking decide where i'm going to school next year. (for the most part i've made my decesion just need to work out a few details ;p)

6. Re-decorate my room ( after much internal debate i decided i liked my room the way it was, and would only make minor changes to make it more me. but not to worry i'm saving the awesome stuff we picked out for my apartment when i go to NYU :]] )

7. Eat healthy! ( ive actually done this, go me :D )

8. Hang out with everyone a lot! ie. u and shan :] (done this! :D )

9. Get a job? (phew just made this one, my dad just got me a job as a hostess at the new unos, i dont start until it opens, but its a start ;) )

10. Read a lot, and have many many borders days! (wooo did this too :D )

11....summer love? :]]] (hello, double yes :]] haha )

12. Try something new (yes &* i dont regret it either :] )

13. Learn to play an instrument ( fail. i may try the piano still... haha)

14. Go to an amazing party. ( hahah yes!)

15. Make memories ( actually most defenitely!)

16. Get a new camera and take tons of photography. (ehh fail, but theres still time.)

17. Travel (yes!)

another great thing that this list has made me realize is this.

i have accomplished so many great things so far this summer that

arent even on this list of mine and its amazing, and it makes me really happy.

:)

this summer has defenitely been fantastic so far, ive experianced so many amazing things

and met great people. and truly have grown and like you said, am becoming the person i

defenitely want to become and its great.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

" but the truth is, if i could be with anyone, it'd still be you."

the thing with matt drives me semi insane. seriously the first picture/quote up top

kinda describes it because i truly dont know how I feel, theres defenitely something there

i just don't know what it is you know?

so i kinda dont know what to do, and me and him are just at this impasse, where it's like

the lyrics to one of my favorite lifehouse songs.

"looking at you,

holding my breath, for once in my life,

i'm scared to death."

i'm scared. i'm usually so sure of myself

but these days with the matt thing

and honestly everything else

i feel like i'm just sitting here, lying on the grass

and the world is just spinning spinning around me

so fast.

and i dont know what to do. i feel indecesive and confused .

i wish i could rip the thoughts out of my head

and lay them down in a diary, plain to see .

but I cant.

and its so hard.

i'm lost but i'm hopeful baby.

im still figuring out who i am.

goals..

summer. 

"sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head and remind yourself of who you are and where you wanna be. and sometimes, you have to venture outside your world in order to find yourself"

. - gossip girl

1. Be true to myself, and get to know myself even better. 

2. Stay in shape! run as much as I can... (would u like to run together? :p) 

3.  Get my standing back tuck, and other dumb tumbling :p 

4. Go to a rediculous amount of skill camps, for soccer and track and such. 

5. Freaking decide where i'm going to school next year. 

6. Re-decorate my room 

7. Eat healthy! 

8. Hang out with everyone a lot! ie. u and shan :]

9. Get a job? 

10.  Read a lot, and have many many borders days! 

11....summer love? :]]] 

12. Try something new

13. Learn to play an instrument

14. Go to an amazing party. 

15. Make memories

16. Get a new camera and take tons of photography. 

17. Travel

18. Spend a lot of time with my brother :( 

19. Make the best of this summer. 

20. Learn and Grow. 

:) 

this summer will be great anj 

we shall make it great

:D 

i'm so freaking excited, 

:]

id be lying if i told you, losing you was something i could handle.

i miss him. 

a lot. 

and it sucks because i used to think it was just garrett 

and the thing with him, but at the same time, i don;t think it was just that, 

i think matt's distancing himself, from me, because i know him so well and i know that 

somethings wrong, somethings been wrong for awhile with him 

but he would never tell me, and i feel like this thing that i have was just an excuse to distance himself from me. 

but if it wasnt, i hope he knows that i would never give him up for garrett. any day. 

i miss him and it sucks but i dont know what to do about it. 

i know this sounds gay or whatever

but its like i lost a part of myself

i lost one of my best friends

and how do i get him back? 

i dont even know. 

=[ 

i want to help him 

and i wantto talk to him

and i just miss him 

i want to go back to the way it was. 

and yeah ive tried to fill the gap 

with gar and dave 

and anyother guy 

but no one is him and no one understands me the wya he does

and it  just sucked. 

100 % i dont know what to do. 

shes fresh to death, she'll be the death of me, seduction leads to destruction.

last nite 

was intense.. 

my brothers. haha. 

so i talked to them about it beforehand and they're like "yeah okay mag, well thats fine but we defenitely need to talk to him for a little bit!" and im like okay but don't say anything too bad. and theyre like okay 

so he gets there and he looks adorable :] haha he kept reminding me of this cute little boy last nite with like a guilty smirk =] but then i went upstairs and they talked to him and then left, and he was seriously freaking out, with i found cute :p and funny , but i calmed him down and we played fooseball in the back room.. and then we were up against the wall and it was great. i was wearing shorts, and a tank with a tshirt over it, but yeah my shirt was up and we were against the wall and he was failing with my bra (As usual). 

but it was still really good :] and cute andd felt really chill and comfortable. 

so then we went upstairs for pizza and it completely felt like he was my boyfriend. 

haha like my parents we're talking to him and stff hahah =p 

then we went back downstairs 

and i was freeezing so i grabbed a blanket and sat on the couch and was like MOVIE TIME! :p 

and so i put on quantum of solace and we were just cuddling and talking 

and holding hands with like little kisses thrown in 

=] 

and then intense time comes... ;p 

i sat on his lap but i mean like really close..and i could feel his boner...hahaa. 

and we starting making out, and then i started grinding on him and he was 

crazily feeling me up but it was good, and then he got super into it, probally from me 

grinding on him.. he loves hips too. and he started moaning and being like 

magg this is so good. hahaa :p. and then he pushed me down on the couch 

and he was on top of me, and we were still really into it

but i was proud of myself and i was like mmhmnoo :p and moved his hand

and he laughed and kept right on kissing me and starting eating my candy necklace;p 

ahh it was just all around good :D 

but i cant let myself get too attached 

because haha i just read tht over... 

and it sounds like we completely like eachother. 

oh baby, what am i getting myself into? 

:p