would it be okay, would it be okay, if i took your breath away?

first for the lovely checking up on the fabulous summer checklist.

after i will astound you with my brillent thoughts that i know you've

missed for much too long

;p

1. Be true to myself, and get to know myself even better. ( decently been accomplishing this one :) which is good but it could defenitely still need some work, i'm heading in the right direction.

2. Stay in shape! run as much as I can... (would u like to run together? :p) (total and utter failure.. but whatever i will, get on that!! , i have run and worked out a bit but defenitely not as much as i should)

3. Get my standing back tuck, and other dumb tumbling :p ( sorry i happened to stop caring about this.. but I think just for the hell of it, i'm gonna start tumbling lessons up again)

4. Go to a rediculous amount of skill camps, for soccer and track and such. ( i actually did go to a few soccer camps, even though i dont know if i'm gonna do it any more, and track..yeahh ;p)

5. Freaking decide where i'm going to school next year. (for the most part i've made my decesion just need to work out a few details ;p)

6. Re-decorate my room ( after much internal debate i decided i liked my room the way it was, and would only make minor changes to make it more me. but not to worry i'm saving the awesome stuff we picked out for my apartment when i go to NYU :]] )

7. Eat healthy! ( ive actually done this, go me :D )

8. Hang out with everyone a lot! ie. u and shan :] (done this! :D )

9. Get a job? (phew just made this one, my dad just got me a job as a hostess at the new unos, i dont start until it opens, but its a start ;) )

10. Read a lot, and have many many borders days! (wooo did this too :D )

11....summer love? :]]] (hello, double yes :]] haha )

12. Try something new (yes &* i dont regret it either :] )

13. Learn to play an instrument ( fail. i may try the piano still... haha)

14. Go to an amazing party. ( hahah yes!)

15. Make memories ( actually most defenitely!)

16. Get a new camera and take tons of photography. (ehh fail, but theres still time.)

17. Travel (yes!)

another great thing that this list has made me realize is this.

i have accomplished so many great things so far this summer that

arent even on this list of mine and its amazing, and it makes me really happy.

:)

this summer has defenitely been fantastic so far, ive experianced so many amazing things

and met great people. and truly have grown and like you said, am becoming the person i

defenitely want to become and its great.

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" but the truth is, if i could be with anyone, it'd still be you."

the thing with matt drives me semi insane. seriously the first picture/quote up top

kinda describes it because i truly dont know how I feel, theres defenitely something there

i just don't know what it is you know?

so i kinda dont know what to do, and me and him are just at this impasse, where it's like

the lyrics to one of my favorite lifehouse songs.

"looking at you,

holding my breath, for once in my life,

i'm scared to death."

i'm scared. i'm usually so sure of myself

but these days with the matt thing

and honestly everything else

i feel like i'm just sitting here, lying on the grass

and the world is just spinning spinning around me

so fast.

and i dont know what to do. i feel indecesive and confused .

i wish i could rip the thoughts out of my head

and lay them down in a diary, plain to see .

but I cant.

and its so hard.

i'm lost but i'm hopeful baby.

im still figuring out who i am.