Let's start out by starting over, what did I expect?

please stop looking at me like that,

you're breaking my heart

it's 2:30 a.m, and i'm wide awake, writing again.

my life had been tres crazy, i haven't written for days :(

(which as we discussed anj, could be part of the problem)

so idk remember your post "fate is a cruel and cold hearted whore"?

and the way you said that you put your self worth in boys...

well i felt the effects of that the other night...oh how i wish you were here so i could explain and demonstrate of course :p all of this to you in person my dear :p. but it's okay this shall do.

anywayss.

well i was with garr and matt, but mostly gar like the whole night. and he was just giving me a lot of attention, and stuff like that (i could tell he wanted to hook up :pp) but anyway it made me so completely happyy (probally cause i like him...) and i got home and i was in suchh a good mood! I was like singing and laughing and such, and my self esteem was like bam really high :p haha. and this was all because of what? a new outfit? nopee, my hair looked good? negative, a book that made me feel good? de nada. NONE of those things it was because of a stupid Boy!!

one that probally doesn't even like me, probally just wants to hook up with me!!

god, i wish he liked me :[ and you know what? when he's around me he truly acts like he does.

but you know how i can tell he doesnt truly truly like me (correct me if im wrong here..)

he doesn't really know me anj. yeah we were really good friends before, we were like me and matt, not as close, but we knew a lot about eachother, but he doesn't really know me that well and you know? i dont think he really cares....like he knew my grandpa died this week , but did he ask how i was doing , if i was okay? not even once anj, all i got was "oh that sucks a load.." but i gtg! okay so maybe i'm being harsh....? am i ? yeah that stuff is a all based off aim/facebook. In person we did talk about stuff, like legit stuff, but i mean still... idk i'm just confused.

And heres the thing, im not opposed to hookups, not at all, i think theyre fun and everything :]

but i'm also not stupid, and i know that i like him (yeah ill admit it :p) and i know, as a girl, and knowing myself, the more physical we got, the more attached I would get. But guys arent like that, and then he would be using me and that would suck.

so therefore

meh. i dont know what to do. and ughhhhh.

help ?

help?

hahaa.

im so freaking confused, and there's no way i'm letting freakin GARRETT COLIN CORDOVA JOHNSTON thee fag :p hurt me! haha.